Angry wizard found in South Woodham Ferrers

South Woodham Ferrers Wizard House
A wizard should know better.

Authorities had to be notified earlier this month as a wizard has been found practising wizardry in a tiny wizard hat shaped house in South Woodham Ferrers, residents are said to be shocked and mystified. Attention was drawn to the area by a vast display of light and explosive sounds, the resident who reported the incident, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated that they reported the ruckus to the authorities describing it as “like a load of fireworks going off, but I don’t think it’s fireworks.”

We went to the scene to gather more information from the locals:

“I assumed it was just fireworks.” murmured an unimpressed gentleman.

“This area really is going downhill.” commented a lady whilst clutching a copy of The Sun.

“I can’t believe I haven’t noticed this wizard hat shaped house before,” said one bewildered onlooker, “it’s as if he’d put a spell on me.”

We managed to get a few words from the wizard, he seemed angry, a typical characteristic of an angry wizard.

“I didn’t put a spell on him! What’s wrong with the people in this town? I don’t live in there! I’m not a wizard! That’s not even a house!” claimed the wizard.

After a few hours of searching the surrounding 2 square miles of the scene, we found this incriminating evidence of the alleged activities:

Scattered local wands

Scattered authentic wands found in local bushes.

According to our sources, the wizard chose South Woodham Ferrers as “he assumed anyone looking for a wizard would end up in Gandalf’s Ride.” Another resident speculated, “He probably wanted easy access to all the wizardy snacks and magazines in that shop there.”

We shall follow the progress of this incident and inform you of any more developments…

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